Monday, June 17, 2013

The Story of Baby #3

It's been just short of a month since May 21st.  We had celebrated Madelynn's birthday the Sunday before.  My big girl was 3!  Saturday had been her party, Sunday was her birthday, and Tuesday the 21st Jonathan was off of work and we had spent the entire day together as a family.  The girls were taking a nap, Jonathan was working in the office, and I was relaxing on the couch.  Suddenly I had a ridiculous thought, "Am I pregnant?"  I checked the calender, it was the 21st.  I was due for my cycle any day now, though I don't keep up with it like I used to, I have an IUD.  There's only a 1% chance that I could even get pregnant.  There's no way.  But the thought continued to nag at me and a few hours later,  I was so concerned that I jumped in the car and drove myself to the drug store.  Jonathan had no idea what was going on, so when I walked in the door with a home pregnancy test, he was more than stunned.  I looked at him and said, "I just have this weird feeling and I need to know for sure."  He stayed quiet as I walked into the bathroom.  The girls were getting ready for bed time at this point, so he was rounding them both up.  I took the test and within seconds, it was positive.  You could have knocked me over with a feather.  I came out crying, "It's positive.  I'm pregnant."  Jonathan took the test, grabbed the box, and compared my results with the positive picture on the box.  He was speechless.  We weren't prepared for this baby in any way.  We had just bought a car that didn't fit a third baby, we didn't have a room for the baby, we didn't have money for another baby, Jonathan's still in school...what are we going to do?!  Then reality hit me again and I remembered, "I have an IUD."  I didn't know much about getting pregnant with an IUD, but I did know that it wasn't safe for me or the baby.  I walked outside, called the on call doctor and explained my situation.  He was very positive and assured me that chances were we'd just remove the IUD with no dangers to baby.  He ordered me to come in to the office first thing in the morning for an ultrasound.   

Later that night, I stupidly searched online for other women that had been in my situation.  It was the dumbest thing that I could have done.  I encountered story after story about tubal pregnancies, miscarriages, etc.  I was terrified and praying like I have never prayed in my life.  God kept assuring me that everything was going to be OK  but I wouldn't listen.  I wouldn't allow myself to be consoled.  Four hours earlier, I didn't know I was pregnant and had no plans of having another baby within the next 2-3 years.  Now I was in a dangerous situation surprisingly pregnant with baby #3 and scared out of my mind.  I sobbed the rest of the night.

Jonathan was able to take the next morning off to watch the girls so I could go to the doctor.  I would have preferred that he went the doctor with me, but we weren't ready to tell anyone about the baby and someone had to watch the girls.  The wait for the doctor was excruciating.  When he finally came into the room, he was very serious and that made me even more scared.  After answering several questions, he administered the ultrasound.  I was praying for a healthy result and I could just hear him say, "Here's the baby.  All is well."  But he didn't.  Instead he said, "Well, I don't see anything in the uterus or in the Fallopian tubes."  WHAT?!  I just had a positive test and I've been mentally preparing myself.  I want this baby.  Where's my baby?!  I just looked at him, stunned, with tears streaming down my cheeks.  I didn't know what to say.  He said he would take blood to check my hormone levels, which wouldn't tell him anything until I came in two days later for more tests.  Then he could compare the two blood samples.  We were looking for the hormone levels to double.  That meant I had to wait through a holiday weekend to find out if my levels were rising.  The doctor wasn't convinced I was pregnant, in fact, he didn't even recommend that I remove the IUD.  I knew differently.  I knew I was pregnant and whether it was a healthy pregnancy or not, I didn't know, but I did know that I wanted the IUD out immediately.  So he removed it, had my blood drawn, and sent me on my way.  I returned Friday to have more blood drawn and spent the next 4 days anxiously waiting for my results.  It was the most horrible experience of my life.  I'm naturally an impatient person, but factor in that I may or may not be pregnant with a healthy or unhealthy baby, and I was sick to my stomach with stress.  

I waited until after lunch on Tuesday before I called the doctor's office.  To my relief, they were able to tell me good news!  My hormones had more than doubled which was indicative of a healthy pregnancy, but we still couldn't know for sure.  We had to wait until that Friday to do another ultrasound, because hopefully by then the baby would be big enough for us to see. 

 It had been ten days from the time I found out I was pregnant until I got to see the baby for the first time.  And since I had detected the pregnancy so early, we still couldn't see the baby itself.  We could only see the yolk sac that the baby was inside of.  We wouldn't be able to see the baby for another two weeks, where we could finally see the heartbeat and know if everything was normal.  I admit that I felt much more at ease after that appointment, but still allowed fear to creep into my mind and cripple me at times.  I was so, very scared.  I kept telling myself I was being silly.  I didn't even want to be pregnant, I wasn't in any way prepared for another baby, why am I so upset over something I didn't even want?!  It was an obvious answer.  The second you hear that you're pregnant, you immediately are a mother.  That pink stripe on the test is telling you that you're going to be a mother and your baby needs you to be healthy and it needs your love right now.  That's exactly how I felt.  

That Saturday I had yet another scare.  I had to rush to the hospital and have an emergency ultrasound.  Once again, we were in the clear, but with all of the stress of the pregnancy thus far, we couldn't ignore a single symptom.  We had to be on our toes at all times.  That day we were able to see the baby and it's heart beat for the first time.  It was a precious moment and the doctor assured us that everything looked great so far.

The following Wednesday, June 12th, we were scheduled for another ultrasound.  Jonathan was with me again and he sat by my side, anxiously staring at the screen.  Before the doctor said anything, I saw the baby's heart beating.  He zoomed in and got a heart rate of 140 and we got to hear it for the first time.  It was the sweetest sound I have ever heard.  The steady, quick thrumming of my miracle baby.  It was decided that I was 7 weeks, 1 day pregnant.  They finally felt comfortable giving me a due date of January 28th.  We couldn't hold it in anymore, we had to tell the world.  We had to tell everyone we knew that God has blessed us with a miracle and they needed to know how amazing He is. 

Now I'm going to tell you a secret: I've been praying for a son.  Jonathan is an amazing father and loves his girls more than any dad I've ever seen, but he wants a little boy so badly.  And for the past few months, whenever I saw a little boy or just when I was thinking about our future, I would say a small prayer to God, "Please give us a son when it's time."  I figured that we would have the IUD removed when we decided to start trying and God would give us a son then if He so chose.  I didn't think God was saying, "Let's do this now!"  I truly believe that this baby is a boy.  And if I'm wrong, I'm wrong.  But I really think we're having a son.  Only time will tell.  God is good and we are so blessed to be having a healthy pregnancy and to be adding to our amazing family.  I can't believe that our baby Annabella is going to be a big sister!  And Madelynn is very excited.  She told me the other day, "Mommy, I want a little girl sister, NOT a little boy sister."  How adorable is that?  Girl or boy, I am more than grateful for the opportunity to expand our family and I cannot wait for our new bundle of joy to arrive!

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