Our Journey: Breastfeeding

Noah turned 15 months old this month. We have had a strong nursing relationship from the very beginning. It definitely hasn't always been easy, but it has always been successful and insanely rewarding. For 24 months, my body grew and nourished my son. I was his primary source of nourishment until he was around 9 months old and even then he was only snacking on solid foods. It wasn't until he was around a year that I reduced his nursing schedule to two times a day: naptime and at/through the night. As long as he was eating something, he was completely happy with that decision. 

Noah was never able to sleep through the night without nursing at least once, usually up to three times if you count a really early morning session. But around 13 months, something clicked with him and he was up nearly all night long. The slightest disturbance would wake him and throw him into a tantrum unless I let him nurse. It was getting out of control and I was beginning to hate nursing him. I could not handle taking care of my three kids so sleep deprived, so I took another step toward weaning him. I eliminated his nap session. The first three days were not easy. He did NOT respond well. I always made sure he had a full tummy before naptime, so I knew he wasn't hungry, it was just the comfort that he needed. I made sure to lie down with him and cuddle him until he fell asleep, so he was still getting the closeness with me that he did while he was nursing. After three days, he never asked for naptime nursing again. 

The next step I took was eliminating nursing overnight at 14 months old. I still nursed him before bed, but I refused to let him nurse during the night. He was going to bed with a full tummy, so I was sure that he was only nursing for comfort and out of habit. Our routine was for me to nurse him until he fell asleep and then I'd put him in his crib. He'd wake up around midnight and want to nurse, but instead I held him and sang to him until he went back to sleep. The first few nights were horrible. I almost gave in, but I knew that I'd just have to start all over again the next night if I did. I didn't want to give him mixed signals, so I stuck to my decision. That also meant no more early morning feedings. Even though it was hard, it only took 3-4 days before he stopped asking to eat during the night. He was still waking up but he was easily comforted. After the first time that he'd wake up, I moved him into our bed and let him spend the rest of the night there. And each night, he was waking up less and less. I think that him knowing that we were right there and being able to feel us while he slept is what helped him transition so easily. 

I intended to keep our bedtime nursing session for as long as he wanted. I had no idea that he'd give it up so quickly. Three days ago (at 15 months old), we were coming home late from dinner and shopping. It was past the kids' bedtime, so they had all fallen asleep in the car. Jonathan took Noah upstairs while I took the girls. Noah fell asleep easily and I just assumed it was because he was so tired and never fully woke up from sleeping in the car. The next night I took him to bed and decided I'd let him ask me for milkies. He didn't. He just wanted to snuggle on my chest and after some singing and cuddling, he went right to sleep. On top of everything else, he slept in his crib until 6:45am! The next night was the same thing except he slept all night long. Last night was the same thing.

It's bittersweet not nursing him anymore. For the first time in two years, I have my body back to myself. And I'm getting a full night of sleep for the first time in a very, very long time. I keep thinking that it's a fluke, that he'll start asking for milkies again or that he was just sleeping through the night because he had a busy, fun day. But I really think he's just adjusted exceptionally well. Before weaning him, I prayed that God would make it easier for him. That he'd be open to weaning and receptive to the changes we were facing. He no longer needed to nurse for sustenance and he's confident that we're right next to him if he wakes up. Nursing him, wearing him, and co sleeping with him hasn't spoiled him like most parents assume, it's given him the confidence he needs to step out and be independent when he's ready. I did have to lead him during most of the weaning phase, but I was confident that he was ready to move on, he just didn't know how.  

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it already. It was very abrupt to me. I didn't soak up that last feeding and really enjoy the moment knowing it was our last. But I do have 15 months of memories and lessons learned. I'm so, so grateful that I was able to nurse him at all, much less for as long as we did. I had difficulties with both of the girls, but with Noah it was so different. If you're expecting a baby, please try your hardest to breastfeed. The benefits to you and your baby are endless. The bond is indescribable. It's completely worth the pain, sleepless nights and nearly constant nudity! ;) 

Raising a Boy-Why I may not make it to 40

Noah is only 13 months old. I can safely say that if he was our first baby, he may have been the ONLY baby! I don't know if it's because he's a boy or if it's his personality, but he is a HANDFUL! 

He's been to the emergency room once. He bangs his head against the floor (whether it be cement or carpet) when he's mad. He has a permanent bruise on his forehead-or multiple bruises across his entire forehead. He has a black eye 70% of the time. He just recently ripped his frenulum in his mouth and blood was EVERYWHERE. He climbs everything. He eats dirt. He bites. He'll throw himself on the ground in a temper tantrum in a second. 

BUT he is such a sweet and loving child. He always needs cuddles to get to sleep and he kisses and hugs constantly. He pretends to feed mommy and laughs so hard when I "eat" his food. He makes the "motor" sounds when he's playing with his cars. He brushes his hair and our hair. He opens up his little snaggle mouth and says "Ahh" when we brush our teeth. He LOVES his sisters and he is CRAZY about daddy, but he has a special place in his heart that's just for mommy and it melts my heart every.single.time.


The fact that he's constantly getting hurt makes me sound like a negligent mother, but I swear I prevent much more than he actually gets. He is fast as lightening and stubborn as a mule and some accidents just cannot be foreseen. 

I wouldn't give up this crazy life for anything and I am so thankful that God chose me to be his mom. I may have a head full of gray hair by the time I'm 30 and I'll be lucky if my heart lasts until I'm 40, but I'll live every moment with a full and joyful heart because he's my baby boy.

**NEW** Product in the Shop-Lace Barefoot Sandals

Making the fabric flower barefoot sandals this morning inspired me to make another pair this afternoon. 

This pair is a beautiful and very feminine ivory lace and mint green ruffle pair. The texture is eye catching and will match most spring and summer outfits, as well as her dresses for church and special occasions. 

At only $6 a pair, you can't miss out on this accessory! They come in sizes Newborn-12 months, but I will honor special requests for larger sizes if I'm able to.

**NEW** Product in the shop-Fabric Flower Barefoot Sandals

Hello friends! The sun is finally shining after way too much rain and cloudy skies and I have spring.on.the.brain!! I've had a lot of barefoot sandal views on my Etsy page lately, so I'm guessing everyone is getting a touch of Spring fever! Today I added a new barefoot sandal to the shop and I have to admit that I am in LOVE! 

These sandals are for little girls age newborn-12 months for the spring and summertime. Sandals can be expensive for littles that age and they grow out of them so quickly. Because these are elastic, they stretch with your daughters as they grow and last a little longer. I hand stitch each petal of the flower onto the elastic. These sandals have a very unique look with the ruffle elastic and the colors are beautiful. Order yours today, they're only $6! Quantities are limited!

You an visit my shop here to purchase.

Are you SURE it's a BOY?!

It's been official for about a month.  We're going to have a BOY!  Jonathan and I are so thrilled, excited, elated, ecstatic, insanely crazy over the fact that we're going to have a son.  It almost seems surreal, but didn't I say that I felt like this was our opportunity from God to have a son?  We would have been just as excited about having a girl, don't get me wrong.  But the thought of embarking on this journey of raising a a little boy is a wonderful feeling. A little scary, yes, but we're up for the challenge.  

Our ultrasound appointment was on the morning of September 4th.  The girls spent the night with my parents the night before so Jonathan and I could wake up and go straight to the doctor.  My day started with me waking up 5 minutes before I was supposed to walk out the door.  My pregnancy brain had failed me the night before and instead of setting my alarm when I should have gotten up, I set it for when we were supposed to leave the house.  Jonathan had already gotten up and gotten in the shower, thinking he was being sweet by letting me sleep in a little longer.  Thankfully I had taken a shower the night before, so I was able to straighten my hair, brush my teeth and throw on a dress in roughly 7 minutes, letting Jonathan drive so I could put my make up on.  My stomach was in knots and I was terrified they were going to give my appointment away if I was too late, especially since no one was answering the office phone.  By the grace of God we got there less than 10 minutes late and they called us back within minutes.  Neither of us were talking very much because we were both so nervous.  This would quite possibly be the last time we were ever going to have this moment.  We haven't entirely decided on no more babies, but chances are we'll stop at 3.  The ultrasound tech greeted us and was very alert to the fact that we were insanely anxious.  She told us that she would tell us the gender right away and then do all of the "boring measuring".  There was no chit chat, no "what do you think the baby is?", no preparing us at all when she announced less than 10 seconds after she touched my belly: "It's a boy!"  I was STUNNED.  Jonathan was immediately laughing and celebrating and I was speechless.  Finally I was able to find my voice and ask her if she was sure.  Her response was, "Honey, it's a boy.  Trust me."  And she pointed to the evidence right in front of my face.  We were crying, laughing, rejoicing.  God gave us the son we had asked him for.  Why were we so surprised?  I scold myself every time I'm surprised that God answers a prayer, but it's only human nature to have doubts.  

She spent the rest of the appointment measuring him, admiring how perfect his spine was, and laughing at how active he was.  We also got to have a DVD of a portion of the ultrasound, so when she started recording, we just sat in silent awe and watched him move around inside of me.  He wiggled and turned, spread his legs wide one more humorous time, and then began sucking his thumb.  We had never gotten to see either of the girls suck their thumbs in the womb, so that was a very sweet moment.  When we got up to leave she had to give me a tissue because I had mascara lines running down my face from all of the tears.  It was such a great moment.  

We carried our pictures and our DVD out of the room with giant, proud grins on our faces and full hearts.  Jonathan's dad was working out of town, so he got to be the first one to find out he was going to have a grandson.  For the rest of our parents, we bought blue iced cookies and wrapped them in a gift bag to open.  Everyone was so excited to be welcoming a little boy into our family.  Prior to the ultrasound we hadn't had any names chosen, but the name Noah had come up briefly.  The only thing we knew for certain was that if it was a boy, his first name was going to be Jonathan.  As we were in the car driving home I asked Jonathan if we could please name him Noah.  He thought for a moment and simply answered, "Yes".  The name Jonathan means 'gift from God' and Noah means 'peace'.  The entire first trimester all I was praying for was peace and a healthy baby.  Living day to day, worrying if I was going to miscarry was a horrible feeling.  Peace was what I prayed for, so it only seems fitting that his name should reflect that.  

That day we bought his first outfit; a blue and gray fleece sleeper with a precious puppy on it.  It was so exciting to buy boy clothes for my son.  Madelynn is so excited and all she can talk about is her baby brudder Noah.  Annabella has no idea what's going on, but I know she'll be a good big sister, too.  Even though we've had a month to adjust to the idea, I'm still a little bit in shock.  I've been spending a lot of time planning his nursery and purchasing furniture here and there as well as choosing a color scheme.  We're going with a really cool retro green, blue, and orange color scheme with a lot of neutrals and some dinosaurs.  What little boy doesn't like dinosaurs?  I can't wait to dress him just like his daddy, save him from tea parties with his sisters, and watch him become the little man that he will eventually be.  We have just a little over three months to go and my heart is already so full that I feel like it's going to explode, I can't imagine how it's going to be able to hold enough love for the three of them.  God is so, so, so good.

Me (and Kalvin) at 20-ish weeks.

Update on Baby #3

Today we had our 5th ultrasound in five weeks.  My doctor has been keeping a close eye on the baby and its development because of the increased risks associated with conceiving with the IUD.  Today we finally got the "official" okay from the doctor!  He took us into his office prior to my exam to answer any questions and go over the usual new pregnancy spiel.  He did my ultrasound and located the baby and its heartbeat right away.  Again, it was a nice and strong heartbeat and this time we actually got to see little arm and leg nubs.  It's amazing how much can change in just two weeks.  We even saw it wiggling around a little.  Every time I have an ultrasound I can't breathe until I see the baby's heart.  I know in my heart that this baby is meant to be and everything will be okay, but the mommy side of me can't help but worry from time to time.  He assured us once again that everything looks completely normal, in fact everything looks perfect.  

Sweet Baby at 9 weeks

The doctor is not worried in the least about having conceived with the IUD in place and told us that we could just forget that ever happened and move on.  From this point on, my pregnancy is being treated like any other pregnancy and I could not be happier.  I've had to schedule appointments so often that it was actually nice not to have to schedule one in two weeks.  Don't get me wrong, I love seeing the baby so often, but knowing that the doctor is scheduling these ultrasounds because he's concerned about my progress is unsettling.  I was able to schedule a nice, normal appointment in four weeks and we went ahead and scheduled the 20 week ultrasound as well.  That's on September 4th, which happens to be the day that we found out we were pregnant with Madelynn!  I'm already counting down the days to see what gender this precious baby is going to be.  I've spent my day today on Pinterest, organizing my pin boards for the girls' room and creating a new one for the baby.  You can't have a baby without a properly organized pin board, am I right or am I right?!  

Madelynn and Annabella spent most of the day with their Granny.  My mom kept the girls so Jonathan and I could both go to the doctor.  When we picked them up they were crazy from all of the "Granny love".  As soon as we got home, Madelynn stripped down to her panties and they headed up to their playroom.  Before I knew it, Annabella was throwing toys off of the balcony and Madelynn was standing downstairs "catching" them in a basket.  There is never a dull moment in the Bernardon household.  

Phase 1 of Madelynn's "fort" that she made last night.  By the time she was finished, each chair was lying on its side in the foyer and she was having the time of her life.  How long is it going to take me to realize that the best toys are objects lying around our home?

They are finally starting to play with each other without fighting or someone getting hurt.  At this moment, Madelynn was driving a hot wheels over Annabella's torso and most importantly, her face.  They thought it was hilarious. 

The Story of Baby #3

It's been just short of a month since May 21st.  We had celebrated Madelynn's birthday the Sunday before.  My big girl was 3!  Saturday had been her party, Sunday was her birthday, and Tuesday the 21st Jonathan was off of work and we had spent the entire day together as a family.  The girls were taking a nap, Jonathan was working in the office, and I was relaxing on the couch.  Suddenly I had a ridiculous thought, "Am I pregnant?"  I checked the calender, it was the 21st.  I was due for my cycle any day now, though I don't keep up with it like I used to, I have an IUD.  There's only a 1% chance that I could even get pregnant.  There's no way.  But the thought continued to nag at me and a few hours later,  I was so concerned that I jumped in the car and drove myself to the drug store.  Jonathan had no idea what was going on, so when I walked in the door with a home pregnancy test, he was more than stunned.  I looked at him and said, "I just have this weird feeling and I need to know for sure."  He stayed quiet as I walked into the bathroom.  The girls were getting ready for bed time at this point, so he was rounding them both up.  I took the test and within seconds, it was positive.  You could have knocked me over with a feather.  I came out crying, "It's positive.  I'm pregnant."  Jonathan took the test, grabbed the box, and compared my results with the positive picture on the box.  He was speechless.  We weren't prepared for this baby in any way.  We had just bought a car that didn't fit a third baby, we didn't have a room for the baby, we didn't have money for another baby, Jonathan's still in school...what are we going to do?!  Then reality hit me again and I remembered, "I have an IUD."  I didn't know much about getting pregnant with an IUD, but I did know that it wasn't safe for me or the baby.  I walked outside, called the on call doctor and explained my situation.  He was very positive and assured me that chances were we'd just remove the IUD with no dangers to baby.  He ordered me to come in to the office first thing in the morning for an ultrasound.   

Later that night, I stupidly searched online for other women that had been in my situation.  It was the dumbest thing that I could have done.  I encountered story after story about tubal pregnancies, miscarriages, etc.  I was terrified and praying like I have never prayed in my life.  God kept assuring me that everything was going to be OK  but I wouldn't listen.  I wouldn't allow myself to be consoled.  Four hours earlier, I didn't know I was pregnant and had no plans of having another baby within the next 2-3 years.  Now I was in a dangerous situation surprisingly pregnant with baby #3 and scared out of my mind.  I sobbed the rest of the night.

Jonathan was able to take the next morning off to watch the girls so I could go to the doctor.  I would have preferred that he went the doctor with me, but we weren't ready to tell anyone about the baby and someone had to watch the girls.  The wait for the doctor was excruciating.  When he finally came into the room, he was very serious and that made me even more scared.  After answering several questions, he administered the ultrasound.  I was praying for a healthy result and I could just hear him say, "Here's the baby.  All is well."  But he didn't.  Instead he said, "Well, I don't see anything in the uterus or in the Fallopian tubes."  WHAT?!  I just had a positive test and I've been mentally preparing myself.  I want this baby.  Where's my baby?!  I just looked at him, stunned, with tears streaming down my cheeks.  I didn't know what to say.  He said he would take blood to check my hormone levels, which wouldn't tell him anything until I came in two days later for more tests.  Then he could compare the two blood samples.  We were looking for the hormone levels to double.  That meant I had to wait through a holiday weekend to find out if my levels were rising.  The doctor wasn't convinced I was pregnant, in fact, he didn't even recommend that I remove the IUD.  I knew differently.  I knew I was pregnant and whether it was a healthy pregnancy or not, I didn't know, but I did know that I wanted the IUD out immediately.  So he removed it, had my blood drawn, and sent me on my way.  I returned Friday to have more blood drawn and spent the next 4 days anxiously waiting for my results.  It was the most horrible experience of my life.  I'm naturally an impatient person, but factor in that I may or may not be pregnant with a healthy or unhealthy baby, and I was sick to my stomach with stress.  

I waited until after lunch on Tuesday before I called the doctor's office.  To my relief, they were able to tell me good news!  My hormones had more than doubled which was indicative of a healthy pregnancy, but we still couldn't know for sure.  We had to wait until that Friday to do another ultrasound, because hopefully by then the baby would be big enough for us to see. 

 It had been ten days from the time I found out I was pregnant until I got to see the baby for the first time.  And since I had detected the pregnancy so early, we still couldn't see the baby itself.  We could only see the yolk sac that the baby was inside of.  We wouldn't be able to see the baby for another two weeks, where we could finally see the heartbeat and know if everything was normal.  I admit that I felt much more at ease after that appointment, but still allowed fear to creep into my mind and cripple me at times.  I was so, very scared.  I kept telling myself I was being silly.  I didn't even want to be pregnant, I wasn't in any way prepared for another baby, why am I so upset over something I didn't even want?!  It was an obvious answer.  The second you hear that you're pregnant, you immediately are a mother.  That pink stripe on the test is telling you that you're going to be a mother and your baby needs you to be healthy and it needs your love right now.  That's exactly how I felt.  

That Saturday I had yet another scare.  I had to rush to the hospital and have an emergency ultrasound.  Once again, we were in the clear, but with all of the stress of the pregnancy thus far, we couldn't ignore a single symptom.  We had to be on our toes at all times.  That day we were able to see the baby and it's heart beat for the first time.  It was a precious moment and the doctor assured us that everything looked great so far.

The following Wednesday, June 12th, we were scheduled for another ultrasound.  Jonathan was with me again and he sat by my side, anxiously staring at the screen.  Before the doctor said anything, I saw the baby's heart beating.  He zoomed in and got a heart rate of 140 and we got to hear it for the first time.  It was the sweetest sound I have ever heard.  The steady, quick thrumming of my miracle baby.  It was decided that I was 7 weeks, 1 day pregnant.  They finally felt comfortable giving me a due date of January 28th.  We couldn't hold it in anymore, we had to tell the world.  We had to tell everyone we knew that God has blessed us with a miracle and they needed to know how amazing He is. 

Now I'm going to tell you a secret: I've been praying for a son.  Jonathan is an amazing father and loves his girls more than any dad I've ever seen, but he wants a little boy so badly.  And for the past few months, whenever I saw a little boy or just when I was thinking about our future, I would say a small prayer to God, "Please give us a son when it's time."  I figured that we would have the IUD removed when we decided to start trying and God would give us a son then if He so chose.  I didn't think God was saying, "Let's do this now!"  I truly believe that this baby is a boy.  And if I'm wrong, I'm wrong.  But I really think we're having a son.  Only time will tell.  God is good and we are so blessed to be having a healthy pregnancy and to be adding to our amazing family.  I can't believe that our baby Annabella is going to be a big sister!  And Madelynn is very excited.  She told me the other day, "Mommy, I want a little girl sister, NOT a little boy sister."  How adorable is that?  Girl or boy, I am more than grateful for the opportunity to expand our family and I cannot wait for our new bundle of joy to arrive!